Intruder
Barthus got his stuff and came back. He noticed the tension in the house and sighed. Shrek was no where to be found and he heard what sounded like noises in the kitchen, so he walked in to see if Fiona or Shrek was there. Upon entering in, he saw Fiona standing at the counter staring at some hot dogs she must have made. She was bowed over slightly as if in pain. He stood there for a minute watching her. He felt so bad. He blamed himself for what happened between them. He never should have kissed her no matter how tempted he had been. It had just added to her pain.
Barthus walked over determined to try to start repairing bridges.
Barthus: Fiona, what is that wonderful smell that assailed my senses when I came in?
Fiona quietly: Oh it is nothing, just some plain hot dogs. I wasn't hungry, but I thought I should eat something.
Barthus felt terrible. Her voice was filled with helplessness, hopelessness - like she didn't care anymore. He had to do something.
Barthus: Well you wouldn't know that from the smell. I bet you make the best hot dogs ever. Shrek doesn't know what a lucky man he is.
Fiona turned slowly and guardedly. Even in her depression she felt his over done jocularity and wondered what was up, like she didn't know.
Barthus felt her discomfiture and skepticism.
Fiona woodenly: Don't think I don't know what you are doing Barthus, and you can forget it. Things are over and it is useless to say otherwise. I mean I had hoped that.....
Barthus: Hoped what Fiona?
Fiiona discouraged and sad: What does it matter now? Barthus, I was wondering if I could move in with you until I can get things settled and get on my feet. I would really appreciate it. I know it is asking a lot, but I thought since I tried to do what you wished, you would do this for me.
Barthus thinking quickly: Umm actually Fiona, I have for the moment moved in here. You see, I think you two need me, and so I am putting my house up for sale, and when you and Shrek move to Ogrid, I will come with you.
Fiona shocked and appalled: B-b-b-ut I mean.... You can't! I can't stay here! I can't!
Barthus reassuringly: Fiona, nothing is as bad as it seems. Yes, you and Shrek have had some misunderstandings, but nothing that if you both try can't be worked out.
Fiona upset: Is that what you call it? I don't know if you realize it, but I goaded Shrek into trying to choke me to death. Yeah, that is how much I hate being here. Don't you get it? Shrek is impossible, and I can't deal with him anymore.
Barthus: That is why I am here my dear. I know that Shrek has his issues, but I can help make him see reason. He isn't a bad ogre. He just is misunderstood.
Barthus walked over determined to try to start repairing bridges.
Barthus: Fiona, what is that wonderful smell that assailed my senses when I came in?
Fiona quietly: Oh it is nothing, just some plain hot dogs. I wasn't hungry, but I thought I should eat something.
Barthus felt terrible. Her voice was filled with helplessness, hopelessness - like she didn't care anymore. He had to do something.
Barthus: Well you wouldn't know that from the smell. I bet you make the best hot dogs ever. Shrek doesn't know what a lucky man he is.
Fiona turned slowly and guardedly. Even in her depression she felt his over done jocularity and wondered what was up, like she didn't know.
Barthus felt her discomfiture and skepticism.
Fiona woodenly: Don't think I don't know what you are doing Barthus, and you can forget it. Things are over and it is useless to say otherwise. I mean I had hoped that.....
Barthus: Hoped what Fiona?
Fiiona discouraged and sad: What does it matter now? Barthus, I was wondering if I could move in with you until I can get things settled and get on my feet. I would really appreciate it. I know it is asking a lot, but I thought since I tried to do what you wished, you would do this for me.
Barthus thinking quickly: Umm actually Fiona, I have for the moment moved in here. You see, I think you two need me, and so I am putting my house up for sale, and when you and Shrek move to Ogrid, I will come with you.
Fiona shocked and appalled: B-b-b-ut I mean.... You can't! I can't stay here! I can't!
Barthus reassuringly: Fiona, nothing is as bad as it seems. Yes, you and Shrek have had some misunderstandings, but nothing that if you both try can't be worked out.
Fiona upset: Is that what you call it? I don't know if you realize it, but I goaded Shrek into trying to choke me to death. Yeah, that is how much I hate being here. Don't you get it? Shrek is impossible, and I can't deal with him anymore.
Barthus: That is why I am here my dear. I know that Shrek has his issues, but I can help make him see reason. He isn't a bad ogre. He just is misunderstood.
Fiona thinking getting angry: Misunderstood? He wasn't misunderstood. He was a mean, angry, nasty, ill mannered, pea brained, stubborn, crude jack ass and those were his sterling qualities. How dare Barthus make him out to be a victim. If he was a victim she was a gorgeous human super model. She snorted derisively. It seemed Barthus came here to keep an eye on her and she resented it. Did he blame her?
Barthus thinking to himself: I sure hate minimizing things, but with this being life or death what can I do? He felt bad, as he couldn't actually believe what he was saying. Shrek always was irascible and ornery. In spite of everything, he hoped that when he brought Fiona here she would make Shrek into the son he wished Shrek would have been. He hoped Shrek would fall in love, and that her love would make Shrek be softer. To say his relationship with Shrek and Shrek's with hers was contentious was like saying World War 2 was a fight between kindergarteners. He sighed. He sure had his work cut out for him.
Fiona: Barthus, I appreciate what you are trying to do, and all, but it can't work. You know I care for you, and you are the one I want to be with. Shrek is just... just... impossible. I will not marry him. I cannot. I am sure the Ogrids will understand. After all, they wouldn't want a couple who can't stand to be in the same room for more than 2 seconds. They would want us to have children and you can't conceive from separate rooms.
Barthus: Fiona, believe me I know this is hard, but I believe Shrek does love you.
Fiona almost burst out laughing: Love me?! Love me?! He ordered me out of this house! He told me he couldn't stand the sight of me anymore. Did you know a man Rainbow Ivy came here to ask me to leave with him? I said no. How I wished I hadn't done that. Shrek suspected that was what Rainbow Ivy wanted, and ordered me to leave with this man. This is love? I love you, but go! I never want to see you again? He doesn't love me. He loves only himself. Well, I hope he is happy being alone, because that is what he will be for the rest of his life. Don't forget, he almost choked me to death at my insistence! I am surprised he is trying to drive me away, I think he wants me to be the slave of the new king or killed because he loves me so much. Ha!
Barthus thinking:. He couldn't tell her about Rainbow Ivy, as he felt she wouldn't believe him at this point. This was worse than he thought. Since she told him that she wanted to come stay with him, it was obvious that she didn't want to go with Rainbow Ivy. But now she says she is sorry she didn't. He didn't know what he could do but he had to try to make things better.
Barthus: I know how you feel. Shrek has never been in love before. He doesn't even maybe realize it. Believe me though, I know Shrek better than he knows himself. He does love you! If you would just meet him halfway. This could work. Show him how it could be.
Barthus thinking to himself: I sure hate minimizing things, but with this being life or death what can I do? He felt bad, as he couldn't actually believe what he was saying. Shrek always was irascible and ornery. In spite of everything, he hoped that when he brought Fiona here she would make Shrek into the son he wished Shrek would have been. He hoped Shrek would fall in love, and that her love would make Shrek be softer. To say his relationship with Shrek and Shrek's with hers was contentious was like saying World War 2 was a fight between kindergarteners. He sighed. He sure had his work cut out for him.
Fiona: Barthus, I appreciate what you are trying to do, and all, but it can't work. You know I care for you, and you are the one I want to be with. Shrek is just... just... impossible. I will not marry him. I cannot. I am sure the Ogrids will understand. After all, they wouldn't want a couple who can't stand to be in the same room for more than 2 seconds. They would want us to have children and you can't conceive from separate rooms.
Barthus: Fiona, believe me I know this is hard, but I believe Shrek does love you.
Fiona almost burst out laughing: Love me?! Love me?! He ordered me out of this house! He told me he couldn't stand the sight of me anymore. Did you know a man Rainbow Ivy came here to ask me to leave with him? I said no. How I wished I hadn't done that. Shrek suspected that was what Rainbow Ivy wanted, and ordered me to leave with this man. This is love? I love you, but go! I never want to see you again? He doesn't love me. He loves only himself. Well, I hope he is happy being alone, because that is what he will be for the rest of his life. Don't forget, he almost choked me to death at my insistence! I am surprised he is trying to drive me away, I think he wants me to be the slave of the new king or killed because he loves me so much. Ha!
Barthus thinking:. He couldn't tell her about Rainbow Ivy, as he felt she wouldn't believe him at this point. This was worse than he thought. Since she told him that she wanted to come stay with him, it was obvious that she didn't want to go with Rainbow Ivy. But now she says she is sorry she didn't. He didn't know what he could do but he had to try to make things better.
Barthus: I know how you feel. Shrek has never been in love before. He doesn't even maybe realize it. Believe me though, I know Shrek better than he knows himself. He does love you! If you would just meet him halfway. This could work. Show him how it could be.
Fiona feeling sad and pressured: Seriously Barthus? You are as clueless as your son. I can't believe it. I told you I love you, and the only thing you can do is push me at that beast you call a son? I think you are giving away the best thing that could have happened to you. You are just as bad as Shrek. Boy the Ogre sure doesn't stray far from the swamp does he?
Barthus taken aback. Boy was Shrek right, she did have a hair trigger temper. Maybe it wasn't all Shrek's doing. He tried to soothe her.
Fiona screamed: You two don't care two figs for what I want. Shrek wants me out of his life, and you want me to marry that monster, carry his devil seed, and rule a country I never heard of. You don't care about me do you? You just want to save your own slimy green butt! I thought you were different, I thought you did care about me even if it was only a little. You kissed me! You pretended to care! How could you ask me to be tied to that hideous son of yours for the rest of my life? Don't you care at all?
Barthus taken aback. Boy was Shrek right, she did have a hair trigger temper. Maybe it wasn't all Shrek's doing. He tried to soothe her.
Fiona screamed: You two don't care two figs for what I want. Shrek wants me out of his life, and you want me to marry that monster, carry his devil seed, and rule a country I never heard of. You don't care about me do you? You just want to save your own slimy green butt! I thought you were different, I thought you did care about me even if it was only a little. You kissed me! You pretended to care! How could you ask me to be tied to that hideous son of yours for the rest of my life? Don't you care at all?
Barthus knew he had to get hurtful to wake her up: I was attracted to you sure, and I might even have thought I loved you, but I know now I never did. You can't love the woman promised to your son. I was wrong, and lonely. I shouldn't have kissed you, and I told you that. Now you must listen this is important. You need to realize that this is all our futures, or lack thereof. Don't you realize Shrek and I could die, and the best thing to happen to you would be for them to kill you with us? You, if allowed to live would suffer greatly at the hands of the new king. You would after a while if the king chooses to mistreat would wish for death. You think you want to die now? You have no idea how bad things for you could get! Wake up! Grow up! This isn't just about you and your feelings missy! You have to realize we are all in great trouble! And before you say what I know you are going to say, yes I will be having this talk with Shrek too. You two are adults and need to start acting like it!
Fiona really angry: Well I don't recall you giving Shrek or I a choice do I? I mean I was sold by my father into slavery to you, to be a breeding machine for your son. You had the audacity to sign a contract putting all our lives on the line without consulting the two of us and what we wanted! So you have no one to blame but yourself! I resent being put in this position. You had no right! I tried! I really did try! Did you think I wanted to live with a mean, grumpy, morose monster the rest of my life? I tried more than once to meet him more than half way, and all I got was attitude and resentment. No thank you! I want no more of this! Now you need to stop forcing something neither Shrek nor I want, and try to figure out how you are going to get us out of this hellish contract without danger to us. You need to find a way to appease the Ogrids, I am done with all of this!
Barthus: Please Fiona, I know I have no right to ask this of you, but won't you at least sleep on it? I mean things could look a lot different in the morning. They always do. In the meantime I will talk to Shrek. I know this can all work out. Please if I mean anything to you just do that for me. If in the morning you feel the same, I promise I will try to make things right.
Fiona sighed. What choice did she have? She would need Barthus's help if she were to be able to get out on her own. She nodded knowing that there would be no changing her mind, and walked away.
Barthus had every intention of keeping his promise, but not the way Fiona thought. He was going to try to make things right, but between Shrek and Fiona. They were both bullheaded and stubborn. The fact that Fiona refused to leave with Rainbow Ivy when she had the chance spoke volumes to him. Fiona wouldn't admit it, and maybe didn't realize it, but she too loved Shrek. He would stake his life on it, and well in fact that is what he was already doing. He just hoped that Rainbow Ivy wouldn't interfere, or he would have to find a way to get rid of him. He didn't want to have to deal with him, but he was an ogre, and ogres well lets just say that ogres had a reputation, and only rarely did they live up to that reputation, but when necessary it happened. He just didn't relish having to go to those lengths. Now he must find Shrek and tell him what he knew.
Fiona sighed. What choice did she have? She would need Barthus's help if she were to be able to get out on her own. She nodded knowing that there would be no changing her mind, and walked away.
Barthus had every intention of keeping his promise, but not the way Fiona thought. He was going to try to make things right, but between Shrek and Fiona. They were both bullheaded and stubborn. The fact that Fiona refused to leave with Rainbow Ivy when she had the chance spoke volumes to him. Fiona wouldn't admit it, and maybe didn't realize it, but she too loved Shrek. He would stake his life on it, and well in fact that is what he was already doing. He just hoped that Rainbow Ivy wouldn't interfere, or he would have to find a way to get rid of him. He didn't want to have to deal with him, but he was an ogre, and ogres well lets just say that ogres had a reputation, and only rarely did they live up to that reputation, but when necessary it happened. He just didn't relish having to go to those lengths. Now he must find Shrek and tell him what he knew.